Knowing Thy Heart
by Autumn Felicity Summers
Summary: Sirius Black and Hermione Granger are in a secret relationship. When Severus Snape witnesses their proximity, he realizes something... A response to WIKTT But I Saw Her First Challenge.
1. Chapter 1

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

_**KNOWING THY HEART**_

**: Autumn Felicity Summers**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**CHAPTER 1**

**AN UNPLEASANT ENCOUNTER**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was Christmas – an over-commercialized holiday, in Severus Snape's opinion. Why _he_ had to suffer at the festivities when it was perfectly clear that he _hated_ the very name of the festival was beyond him. Strangely, all his misfortunes had taken place during Christmas – agreeing to Lucius Malfoy's proposal of him taking the Dark Mark was one of the greatest, he felt.

_What would it be this time?_ He thought wryly.

As he saw a phoenix feather appear in front of him, he sighed and rubbed his head. He had to ask, hadn't he?

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. It was worse than knowing that the Dark Lord had captured an Order member. It was even worse than having his secret method of spying revealed to the Dark Lord.

Yes, this Christmas Get-Together which Dumbledore had tricked him into attending was far, far worse than anything that could have happened to him.

He had come here expecting that _finally_ Dumbledore had decided that Potter should confront the Dark Lord and get it all over with for once and for all. _No_, no such luck. Instead he was stuck in this… _abominable_ gathering.

Thankfully, the enlarged hall had not been too brightly lit up. There were dark recesses here and he decided that he would take shelter in one of those. He was far more willing to be an observer than a participant in these festivities.

As his eyes wandered over those present, he found himself going deeper and deeper into the abyss of boredom. Won't it be better if he just _died_ right now, unburdening the world of his dark, brooding presence? He didn't know why but he always felt morbid – quite negatively morbid thoughts invading his otherwise perfectly balanced mind during Christmas. If it wasn't for the fact that he had yet to fulfil his promise to Dumbledore, Severus was sure that he would have left this world for good.

_Dumbledore_… much as he _thought_ he disliked the man, he knew he didn't. Though he warded off his attempts to get him to join the party with scowls, frowns and sneers, he knew that they reassured him of the fact that someone cared about him. Minerva did, too, in her own stern way. She frowned at him as he refused to even have a decent conversation with anybody. She was a firm woman, and though he would _never_ _ever_ admit this to anyone, she was his favourite teacher. Though Transfiguration had not been his strongest subject, it had always intrigued him. It was so similar to Potions in its appreciation of the minute! It was his second favourite subject after Potions.

And there was Remus Lupin. He disliked the man – he was a _werewolf_ for Merlin's sake! A _half_-_human… worse, a half-wizard_! He had tried to _kill_ him! But Severus acknowledged, to none but himself, that the man's attempts at friendliness had not _all_ been in vain. He had a grudging respect for his talent in the field of Defence Against the Dark Arts. However, Severus was better at hating than liking.

As he observed the other members present, he couldn't help noticing that something was amiss, something he couldn't lay his finger on… _what_ _was_ _it_?

All of a sudden, he heard the oh-so-immature laughter of Ron Weasley and turned to face him with a scowl. He didn't notice him, but Severus realised what he found missing. There was the dunderhead Potter but no Miss Granger. No, she was definitely nowhere here.

And as unbidden suspicions rose up in his minds, he found that his arch-enemy, Sirius Black was not there, either.

His displeasure turning into raw anger and hatred, he got out from his 'hiding-place' and strode out of the hall.

None but Dumbledore noticed his departure. However, the old man decided that Severus had suffered here for long enough and let the man go.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

He couldn't find them anywhere downstairs. He had searched in all rooms open to everyone.

His suspicions were gaining conformity now. He knew for certain where they might be.

Clenching his fists, he walked towards the room he knew belonged to Sirius Black. He had spent just one night here and had had the misfortune of having that room right next to the mangy mutt's.

_Had that dog no sense? What was he thinking? Playing around with silly, little girls! His godson's best friend, no less! Finally, all those years spent in Azkaban are gaining on his power of reasoning. Next thing you know, he will be walking around murdering people. _

Mentally berating and cursing Sirius Black, Severus finally reached the room. It was all eerily quiet. But Severus knew why. They had placed a Silencing Charm and he knew only too well why they had done that.

Seething with anger, he pulled out his wand and burst opened the door.

And for just some moments he wished he hadn't.

A variety of emotions passed over him as he looked on at the scene before him.

_Repulsion, embarrassment, hatred, anger…_

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Hermione, I love you."

Oh, those long-awaited words! She couldn't believe that he had said that to her! It was so surreal! Somehow unearthly! When she replied to him, declaring her love for him, it still felt as if she was in some wonderful dream.

He smiled at her, and then bent down to kiss her. It was a slow kiss at first, tentative on her part. She hadn't had much experience in kissing. She wondered if she was too bad at it. But as his tongue probed her for entrance, she knew she must not be _that_ bad. Sirius entangled his hands in her still bushy hair and pulled her closer. The kiss grew more and more passionate and the next thing she knew, they were pulling off their robes.

Now naked, Hermione felt a wave of embarrassment pass over her. She had never done this before nor had she 'touched' a man. Sirius felt her discomfort. He embraced her and between showering kisses on her neck and downwards, said, "You're the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, Hermione."

Her cheeks reddened further, but she was soon losing her rationality as his hands explored her body. She trailed her fingers down his back, and felt him shiver slightly at her touch. She wondered what to make of it. She stopped, hesitant.

"Don't worry, love, you'll be fine. Touch me."

The sheer eroticism of his words made her shudder with pleasure. He gently pushed her on the bed. With his hands on either side of her, he bent down and brought his mouth to her breasts. As his tongue flicked her pert nipples, she felt a burning sensation. It was quite unlike anything she had felt before. The all-too-new sensations made her somewhat apprehensive and light-headed. But she tried not to show it.

However, just as she brought her hands up to touch him, something very strange happened.

The door burst open – literally.

Sirius removed himself from top of her and turned back in a swift motion, shocked beyond words or thoughts.

Though Hermione couldn't see his face, she recognized the billowing robes.

_Oh no! No! No! No! It was her Potions Master! Her Professor! A teacher! Oh no!_

She felt all the new sensations vanish into nothing. She was suddenly very much aware of everything. _Oh_ _Merlin_! _She_ _was_ _naked_ _in_ _front_ _of_ _Professor_ _Snape_!

She hurriedly pulled the blanket to her chest, her face redder than the reddest of Weasley hair.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was Sirius who spoke first.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" he yelled at Snape.

Hermione cringed slightly.

But it seemed that Snape paid him no heed. She stared hard at the floor, somehow so sure that Snape had his eyes fixed on her.

"ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND THERE OR ANSWER ME, _SNIVELLUS?_"

Snape shot him a filthy look.

"Answer you? _Answer_ _you_? You think _I_ have something to answer for, Black?"

"Of course, you have, you pervert!"

"_Me_? _Pervert_? No, Black, it seems that _you_ are in bed with a… student!"

"_Yours_, not mine," said Sirius coldly.

If looks could kill, both Snape and Sirius would have been dead – over and over again.

Snape decided to turn his attention to the other participant in the liaison.

"Miss Granger, clothe yourself and come out."

Hermione's face turned redder – if that was possible. She looked at Sirius helplessly.

He put an arm around her possessively.

"You are no one to order her around!" he spat out at Snape.

"You forget you just mentioned that I am her professor. I have to take care of my students – to see that none of them are _molested_," said Snape nastily.

"Wrong, Snivellus. You can't order her around during holidays. And I wasn't molesting her."

"You were!"

"No, he was not," said Hermione, her voice trembling, but her eyes defiant as she finally raised them to meet Snape's.

Their eyes were locked in a battle of wills. Snape was not going to look away first, but Hermione, too, was determined. Granted that he was her Potions Master and she respected him for his knowledge and work. But he had no right to meddle in her personal affairs.

"You're staring, _Snivellus_."

Sirius' dry tone cut short their staring match. Both looked away at the same time.

"Hermione is of age and has a right to choose who she loves and chooses to sleep with," said Sirius, dressing them both with a wave of his wand.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Severus found himself in a most hateful position. Sirius Black was right. _Oh_ _Merlin_! He so wanted to kill him right now!

And that _senseless_ chit! He was going to make her life hell once he was back at Hogwarts. He really, really was.

The best thing for present was, however, to get away. Others would be coming up and strangely, he didn't want anyone to know about them, Black and Miss Granger, that is.

So scowling and fuming, he turned and left without another word.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sirius sat down on the chair in front of the fireplace with a sigh. Hermione came round to him.

"I am sorry it was so awful, love," he said, pulling her onto his lap.

"It wasn't _your_ fault."

"No. It was _Snivellus'_ and he is going to pay for it!" said Sirius, scowling.

"Just forget him," said Hermione, kissing him near the lips.

"Knowing him," said Sirius, gathering Hermione closer to himself, "he might trouble you at Hogwarts. He is a nasty bastard. You'll let me know if he troubles you, right?"

Hermione nodded and planting a last kiss on his lips, got up.

"We could continue, you know," said Sirius, grinning suggestively.

Hermione shook her head. "Snape has really… well, not tonight, anyway."

"Whatever you wish, of course. Don't want you to have the greasy git in mind during such a special time."

Hermione giggled light-heartedly.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was only when he saw her leave his room and go into her own _alone_, that Severus removed the Concealment Charm from himself and headed towards the library, where he had earlier spotted some Floo Powder.

He didn't know who he was madder at – himself, that mangy mutt or Miss Granger. Not that he thought that Black would have more sense than _that_! But he had a higher opinion of Miss Granger's judgement, though he continually criticized and berated her.

She held a different place in his mind than everybody else. Not only was she intelligent, she had a true devotion for Potions – something she did not have for any other subject, as he had surmised from his observations of her.

For he _did_ observe her – unknowingly, secretly… even from himself…

And he had come to know why.

The worst thing was that it had taken the fact that she was in love with his nemesis to make him realize that… he _loved_ her. It was _stupid_, _berserk_ and _irrational_. That did not matter. All that mattered was that he had loved her and lost her before he had got her.

His logical mind told him that the best conclusion was to forget all about her.

Contemplating a revival of his old habits, he stepped up to the hearth.

"Knockturn Alley!"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-


	2. Chapter 2

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**CHAPTER 2**

**BACK TO HOGWARTS**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Hermione winced as her head bumped against the back of her seat as the Knight Bus came to a stop somewhere in Kent.

"No big damage?" asked Tonks from her right.

"Not until now."

"Once again," said Tonks, turning to Remus who was on her other side, "why are we going via Knight Bus?"

Remus just rolled his eyes.

"I told them that this was an absolutely horrible way of travelling, but _nobody_ listens to _me!_" said Tonks angrily.

"Don't be such a baby, Tonks!" said Remus. "You know very well that this is the safest way for Harry to travel."

"And you don't dare call me a 'baby', Remus Lupin!" she shot at him.

Not wanting to start another argument, Remus wisely kept quiet.

Hermione looked on curiously. She had thought that Remus and Tonks would come together, especially since they had hardly ever left each other's side this Christmas at Grimmauld Place. But ever since they had boarded the Knight Bus, Tonks seemed really furious about something and Remus was trying his best to either ignore or quieten her.

Tonks noticed Hermione's questioning eyes and looked away. Hermione felt concerned as she saw her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

However, just a few minutes later, Hermione's mind wandered back to Sirius. How elated her heart was whenever she thought of him! It would have been a perfect Christmas but for Snape!

How she _hated_ that man!

She had been alternately furious and confused for the rest of the holidays. Her anger was easily explained. Snape had interrupted her first time with a man she _loved_, for Merlin's sake! But her confusion arose when she considered how he had happened to be there in the first place. She was absolutely sure that the deflecting charm they had placed on Sirius' room would send away anybody who was just passing by. However, it would be a completely different story for someone who _knew_ that they were inside – and knew what they were _doing_.

So logically, Snape had known what they were doing!

But how was it possible? She and Sirius had decided to keep their relationship a secret until she had finished school or Voldemort had been defeated – whichever came first. They had been controlled and secretive enough. Even Harry, who knew both the persons involved very well, had not an inkling of their relationship. Then how had _Snape_ known?

She kept musing on the subject until the Knight Bus finally stopped before the Hogwarts gates.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Dinner was a gloomy affair. At these times, with daily reporting of gruesome killings, rapes, robberies, mutilations and so on, all students were worried about their families. It was the first winter in Hogwarts' records when not even one student had stayed behind for Christmas. Everyone wanted to be with their families – the unspoken fear that this might be their last Christmas with their family looming threateningly.

Hermione, too, was worried about Sirius. She was worried about everyone else, too but about Sirius the most. Plus, she missed him very badly. She hadn't thought that it was ever possible to miss anyone _so_ _much_. She hadn't even missed her parents this much when she had first come to Hogwarts.

So engrossed was she in her thoughts that she lost all sense of time.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor for being out after curfew. Just because you are a know-it-all, it does not mean that you can do what you want, Granger."

She looked angrily at him. While she knew that she deserved having those points taken, reason had left her.

And then, Snape said just the words to aggravate her more.

"I hope you do not harbour the misconception that you are the Head Girl."

How she wanted to slap him!

It was no big secret that Hermione had hoped to be the Head Girl. With her record, she seemed the only suitable girl for the post. However, fate had other plans. Instead of her, Padma Patil had been selected unanimously by the staff. Hermione had fallen two votes short.

One had to be Severus Snape's. That was the first thing that had entered her mind as she heard the news. The second was probably Professor Flitwick's for he was the Head of Ravenclaw. When she heard that Padma had been unanimously selected, she had been angry with Professor McGonagall for some time, too.

Malfoy had annoyed her enough because of this. But Professor Snape had never before taunted her concerning this. Not until now.

"No, sir, I do not," she said, her voice unnaturally high.

"Good," he said, smirking evilly.

It was so unfair that they were not allowed to hex teachers.

"Go back to your dormitory, Granger, and if I see you wandering around again, it will be sixty points."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Hermione was still fuming as she sat down for breakfast next morning. She glared at Professor Snape's back as they left the Great Hall.

Unfortunately, he decided to turn around just at that time, as if he could sense her angry look.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for impertinence, Miss Granger."

She was a little shocked. Ron and Harry looked inquisitively at her but did not ask questions. They knew that questions were forbidden when Hermione had _that _look on her face.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

If she had been a little more cross and a little less responsible, she might have skipped the Potions class altogether. Snape had deducted a total of a hundred and thirty points from her and there was still one day to go for the week to end.

But she knew that the potion that they were going to work on today was important and she won't miss it even if he took a thousand points from her.

As if the worry about NEWTs is not enough, she thought angrily as he paired her with Blaise Zabini.

While Zabini was an intelligent partner, he was too proud and always wanted to show off. Plus, he was a devious boy who would add something or other to her potion when she wasn't looking.

She had kept a strict vigil today and yet her potion was a bright electric blue instead of the pale orange it was supposed to be.

She glared daggers at him.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk…"

Hermione almost groaned.

"It seems that Miss I-am-perfect is not so perfect after all."

She was sure that she hadn't ever called herself perfect. _Damn_ _sure_!

Her hands balled into fists.

"That'd be a fail for you, Miss Granger."

Her eyes watered much as she didn't want to cry. She had never ever received a fail. NEVER.

"This is what I call a real Imperius Potion," he said, looking appreciatively at Zabini's potion.

But Hermione really didn't register any of it. She was staring at the dazzling electric blue, trying desperately to keep her tears from falling.

She didn't even realize when the bell rang.

"Hermione."

"Come on, Hermione, it isn't so bad," whispered Ron.

"_NOT_ _SO_ _BAD_!" she screamed.

The few remaining students turned to look at her.

"NOT SO BAD! I'VE NEVER EVER IN MY _WHOLE_ _LIFE_ GOT A FAIL. I DON'T DESERVE THIS. IT IS ZABINI'S FAULT. I KNOW IT. I AM GOING TO KILL HIM. THE FUCKING BASTARD!"

Harry and Ron stepped back a little. Hermione never swore.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for making a scene. Twenty points for falsely accusing a fellow-student. Thirty points for using bad language. Forty points for threatening murder. Now, OUT, Granger."

"As for you…" she began, turning to him.

But Harry, wisely, clapped a hand over her mouth and between him and Ron, she was dragged out of the classroom forcefully.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

She lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling with burning eyes. She had cried and cried until she could cry no more. But they weren't tears of sadness; they were tears of anger – and desperation. She was powerless against him. She had no proof against him. She tried hard to stay out of trouble but what was she to do if he took points off her for things like making a noise when she sneezed.

He could take all the points he wanted. He was very much welcome to do so. But what she hated was the smirk, the loathing, the contempt in his each word, every action, and every _look_.

The abhorrence he reserved for her.

No wonder Sirius had done to him whatever he had done to him. It was so impossible to bear so much hate.

She didn't deserve this and she knew it.

Did he hate her just because she loved Sirius?

Was loving Sirius so bad in his eyes?

Why?

He hurt her very much. She had always harboured respect and appreciation for him for his knowledge and work for the Order.

It was so cruel of him to tear down the image of the man she defended and make her hate him.

She could see his face even now, sneering down with infinite malice. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake off that image. She couldn't see the man who was merely annoyed with her and had no great hatred for her. She felt as if he had turned into a Death-Eater. He had become crueler than she would have imagined Death-Eaters to be.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Hermione?"

"What is it, Ginny?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine."

"How stupid of me! Of course you are not fine."

Here comes the sympathy team, thought Hermione sarcastically.

"Hermione…"

"I want to be alone, Ginny."

"Hermione, you have already missed a whole day of school."

"Leave me alone, Ginny."

"Harry and Ron are worried about you."

"Tell them I am fine. I just want to be alone."

"I cannot lie to them, Hermione."

"I am not asking you to."

"You can't stay here forever, Hermione."

"I am not planning to."

"Then come down, you haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon."

"Ginny."

"Yes?"

"Get the hell out of here and leave me alone."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was pleasant when she slept. She could dream that she was far away from everyone she knew. Nobody was there to disturb her. She was in the mountains, with the pure snow all around her. At another time, she was at the beach where her Aunt Pauline's house was, walking on the sea-shore on a full-moon night.

At other times, when she was awake, it was very painful. There was a constant pain at the back of her head, down her neck and slowly, her whole body was aching. At one point, she thought that she was seeing Madam Pomfrey, but she suspected that since her Aunt Pauline looked somewhat like the dear old nurse, so she was merely hallucinating.

She seemed to have lost all track of time. There was no day and night for her, only dreams interrupted by painful reality.

The ones she loved best were when she was sitting on the window-sill, reading a book, and it rained.

She had always loved it when it rained. There was something very pure about rains. They washed away whatever was dirty. They made you feel so fresh. They made you forget everything.

She loved her dreams. It all seemed so real. Though she never doubted their reality now. It was all so pleasant that it had to be real. She felt every drop of rain that soaked her, every snow-flake that touched her, each breeze of wind that caressed her – it had to be real.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

One night, when she was walking down the steep mountain road, something bad happened. It shocked her. Nothing bad had happened before – ever. It couldn't be happening now.

She had just turned around a corner when it started raining. It wasn't the kind of rain that she loved. It was a storm. She barely made out of it alive.

At another time, as she was reading her favourite novel, Wuthering Heights, it suddenly grew dark. It grew so dark that she was scared out of her wits.

But it wasn't until she saw Severus Snape that she began doubting the reality of everything around her. It was her perfect world and she was sure that Severus Snape wasn't supposed to be here. She had been sitting on a cliff-rock when she suddenly got the feeling that everything wasn't right. She turned and there, not far behind her and staring at her was Severus Snape.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Maybe she was getting paranoid. She was hearing voices and all of them sounded as if they were Severus Snape's. It was sheer insanity.

After some time, she could make out what he said.

It only confirmed her belief that she was losing her mind.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Then days came when Severus Snape was constantly by her side. She couldn't avoid him no matter what. And always – always he said the same things.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Her head was paining, and so was the rest of her body, now that she became aware of it.

She wanted something to drink. Her throat was parched.

She opened her eyes.

"Welcome back, Miss Granger."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-


	3. Chapter 3

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**CHAPTER 3**

**A SORT OF TRUCE**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Professor Snape?"

"Yes."

She looked around, even though it made her head throb with pain to do so.

"Hospital Wing? What happened to me? Why am I here?"

"It seemed you contracted Hagar's Fever."

She closed her eyes. "How long has it been?"

The answer startled her. "Seven months."

Her eyes shot open and she sat up. "You mean the seventh-year has ended? It is July! Oh no!"

"If you are worried about your NEWTs exams…"

"And a lot more… my parents? Harry? Ron? Everyone else, in fact."

"Professor Dumbledore has taken care of everything. You are lucky to be alive."

"But… I didn't think that Hagar's Fever was that bad."

"Madam Pomfrey seems to think that it was worsened due to over-stress."

She rubbed her head lightly. "My headache doesn't seem to end." She hoped that he would take the hint.

Surprisingly, he did.

"Do not take more than two doses of the potion in one day. One teaspoonful should be enough."

Hermione thanked him and swallowed the golden-brown liquid.

The headache slowly subsided.

"I will inform Professor Dumbledore that you are well now. It would be wise if you went back to sleep."

"Professor?"

He turned back to face her.

"Anything else you require, Miss Granger?"

"I do not quite understand how stress worsened the situation so much."

"I am sure that there would be enough time later to fulfil your academic curiosities. Presently, it would be better if you took sufficient rest. You had better go to sleep now."

He had almost reached the door when she called him again. Something had just stricken her. She realized why only he had been there in his dreams in the later stages.

"Thank-you for being by my side all along, Professor."

She had shocked him now. She could see the astonishment plainly in his face.

He didn't say anything, just inclined his head once and went out at a fast pace.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

_Seven_ _months_!

She couldn't believe that it was so long!

She had never fallen ill seriously before, not to her memory at least. It was quite a shock to know that she had missed seven months of her life… just like that… as if she had been dead for that time.

And then she thought of Sirius… Had he missed her? Had he been here? Surely, he couldn't come here when the school was in session, but it was July now. Perhaps he had come. But obviously, he couldn't stay here for long. People would certainly suspect "things" and she herself had made him promise that they would remain quiet about their affair.

The only person who knew about their relationship… well, she wasn't about to ask _him_ for help – not in her _most_ idiotic dreams. For one thing, he'd hate her even more. For another, she felt that he had done enough for her – considering she wasn't in his good books, anyway.

Then her mind turned to Harry, Ron, Ginny and everyone else. What was their position in the war right now? What all had happened this year?

She was bursting with questions and no one was in sight. She decided that she would ignore Professor Snape's warning for once. If she stayed in here, her head would burst with curiosity anyway. Better burst her head knowing everything than in ignorance.

She changed out of her nightdress – her trunk and all other belongings were near her bed – and went outside.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"As good it feels to see you up and about, Miss Granger," said Dumbledore from behind her (she spun around fast), "I am afraid you should follow Professor Snape's instruction."

He smiled in his fatherly way. Hermione almost felt guilty for disregarding Snape.

"I was… _curious_ about things," she said. The truth was always better than aimless fibs.

Dumbledore sighed. "I am afraid that there is a lot to tell, Miss Granger. I would…"

He stopped. Hermione turned to see the Potions Master regarding them angrily.

"Miss Granger, did you not understand what I told you?"

"Now, now, Severus, it is very natural for Miss Granger to be worried about her friends and family. We will talk about that later, my dear. Severus, please escort Miss Granger to the Hospital Wing. I am going to the Grimmauld Place."

Hermione was beginning to feel dizzy. She wished she had stayed back after all.

"Miss Granger."

She was surprised when he took her arm in a light grip – and grateful, too. She leaned towards him as they made their way back to the Infirmary. Her head was spinning.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"And this time, try to sleep, you silly girl!" he said angrily.

She didn't have the heart to nod. She pulled the covers closer about her and closed her eyes.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When she woke up again, it was far into the night.

Two candles were floating around the Infirmary, sometimes running into each other. At other times, they would run into a wall or go almost out of the only open window, but then the wind would drive them inside again. However, their light never extinguished. Hermione thought that it was rather funny.

It was only when they stopped near her that she realized that they had faces!

"_Thank Merlin you are awake. I was getting rather bored,_" said the dark green and black one.

"You are supposed to ring that bell – Emmanuel said that," instructed the blue and white one.

"Who?"

"_Our master's son – Emmanuel._"

Though she had no idea who Emmanuel was, she rang the bell kept on the bedside table.

A house-elf dressed in a pillowcase with Hogwarts symbol appeared. "What can Taffy do for Miss?"

Both the candles began talking at once.

"_Get her something to eat."_

"Get that tomato soup. I like tomato soup."

"_Don't be ridiculous. Get her some chicken soup. She has a cold."_

"Get her oysters. Everyone orders oysters an awful lot nowadays."

"_No, oysters are out of vogue. Get her caviar. And some lettuce. Lettuce is good for cold."_

"Bring a chocolate cake for dessert – a mountain size like you made for old man's birthday."

"_No, bring her some pasta and ice-cream. I am telling you it is good for cold, too."_

"STOP!"

Three pairs of eyes turned towards her.

"I am _not_ hungry," declared Hermione. "I only want a cup of coffee."

"_It tastes rather yucky. Have some Firewhiskey! It is good for cold."_

"Cold Coffee," said Hermione, scowling at the green candle.

"Yes, Miss," said Taffy meekly and disapparated.

"You have a rather poor taste in food – just like Emmanuel."

"_Yeah, you have no idea what is good for cold."_

"I do not have a cold," said Hermione, putting on her dressing-gown.

"Emmanuel said you have cold."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Damn Emmanuel!"

"I do not appreciate the sentiment, Miss Granger."

Hermione was slightly startled. "Professor Snape?"

"It is not right to damn your Potions Master."

"But…"

"Emmanuel," said Snape, glaring at the candles, "is my middle name. And I would greatly appreciate it if some thoughtless objects did not have the audacity to refer to me by that name – especially in front of my students."

"Severus is an evil name. Reminds me of Salazar Severus Slytherin."

"_And Snape makes me cold."_

"Get out of here!" he barked at them.

Probably, they were used to his temper – too used. They floated on either side of Hermione – so close to her that she felt a burning sensation along her cheeks and neck.

"Old man said that we were to remain here and keep vigil over her until he returned."

"Get out!"

"At least move away," said Hermione, leaning away from them. "You are burning me."

They obliged and settled on the table.

"I heard the noise," said Snape, throwing a dirty look in the candles' direction. "Since you are awake, you might as well dress and pack up."

"Am I going to Grimmauld Place?"

The prospect of seeing Sirius again was brightening.

"No. Dumbledore sent me to take you to your parents' house," he snapped.

Sensing that his mood was rather dark, and not wanting to get into a shouting match with him, she nodded and got off the bed.

"I will be waiting for you in the Entrance Hall."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

She quickly downed her coffee and was rather put off because she always liked to enjoy her coffee, but obviously, there was no other option.

The candles faced away from her as she changed, but continued their incessant chatter.

"My name is Romulus," informed the blue one.

"_And I am Remus,_" said the green one.

"After the founders of Rome?" asked Hermione dryly.

"You can say that," said Romulus proudly.

"_No, after Emmanuel's twin brothers who are lost, I think, or dead. Are they lost or are they dead, Rome?"_

"Must be dead. Emmanuel never talks about them."

"_Emmanuel never really talks to us. He only snaps or shouts at us."_

"Anyway, we decided that we liked the names and adopted them."

"What are you? Talking candles?" asked Hermione. They were now lighting her way down to the Entrance Hall.

"We belonged to Lord Snape. He created us out of our older, boring form. After his death we were Lady Snape's property. But she hated us so she hexed us out of the Snape Manor. We had nowhere to go except to Emmanuel."

"So all along you have been staying with Professor Snape?"

"_He does not let us out except during the summer vacation. And call him Emmanuel when you are talking to us about him. I said Snape makes me cold. You won't want to make me cold, would you? It is terrible to be cold."_

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"We will Floo to your parents' place from the Three Broomsticks. Dumbledore has got your parents' place connected to the Floo Network – legally… And why are you two _still_ following?"

"Because we have decided that we will stay with Jane."

"_She talks to us. We haven't talked to anyone for ages. She listens to us, too. And we like that even better."_

Snape stopped and pointed his wand at them. "I will reduce you to _nothing_ if you do not go back to the castle."

They floated over to Hermione, hiding behind her.

"We _declare_ that we will not come with you."

Hermione was having a _very _hard time restraining her laughter. She pressed her hand to her mouth to hide the smile she couldn't prevent. Snape scowled murderously at her.

"_We are not anyone's property. We have a _right_ to live with whoever we want to."_

For a moment, Hermione thought that he would hex _her_. However, he pocketed his wand and began walking at a very fast pace towards the pub.

"_Your parents will not throw us out, will they?"_ asked Remus, dimming himself as he came closer to her ear.

"Why would they do anything like that?" asked Hermione, who had to run at times to keep up with Snape.

"Because they are Muggles and Lord Snape used to say that Muggles and Magicians will always be enemies."

Hermione frowned. "It is not so. Muggles and Magicians can live very well together. If they couldn't, won't my parents have thrown me out?"

"_She has a point."_

"Well, I am glad. I don't want to stay with Emmanuel. He is very disrespectful towards us," said Romulus with a huff.

That was the understatement of the century, thought Hermione wryly.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Romulus and Remus' fears were obviously unfounded.

When they entered the Granger Home (Hermione holding each in one hand as Professor Snape had shrunk her trunk so that she could pocket it), Mrs. Granger gave a little shriek.

They apologized profusely for scaring her. Snape scowled at them.

Mr. Granger was amused. Hermione gave vent to her laughter. This whole thing with Snape and the candles was very strange but in a good way.

"I shall put up some wards around the house," he informed her parents, who were trying – and failing – to follow him, "so that in case the Death-Eaters do come here, your daughter will have time to Floo to the Grimmauld Place and inform someone. They will they take you to Number 13 Grimmauld Place, which is easily accessible by Muggles."

Mr. Granger looked at Hermione, who nodded slightly.

"I shall apparate from outside after putting up the wards."

Hermione led him to the front door, the candles remaining behind to introduce themselves to her parents, 'the Muggles', albeit they were scared of them.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"When shall I take my NEWTs?"

"Professor Dumbledore will inform you, I suppose," he said, not meeting her eyes.

"And?"

"What do you mean, Miss Granger?"

"There is something you are hiding from me. I know."

He did nothing more than pull out his wand.

"I suppose I shall remain here until September at least?"

"These are uncertain times, Miss Granger. But if the days pass without an emergency, then yes. The stay might extend, though."

Hermione sighed. It seemed ages since she had seen Harry, Ron, Ginny – and _Sirius_… especially Sirius.

"And I must warn you against sending owls. The Floo Powder is on the mantelpiece. Only that ought to be used."

She stood there, looking at the sky, the first sign of dawn breaking through the darkness.

"I wish I was… _doing_ something," she said wistfully.

Snape fidgeted a little with his wand. "You are not fully well yet."

She looked at him. "It will be terrible to be cut off from everything. Why can't I go to Grimmauld Place through Floo?"

"Only members of Order are allowed, Miss Granger."

"Harry and Ron…"

"Potter is there but Weasley is at the Burrow. It will be safer if you stay here and recover your health."

She nodded gloomily and stepped back into the house.

"Goodbye, sir – and thank-you."

"There is nothing you need to tha…"

There was a horrible scream from inside. Hermione jumped slightly.

"It's Remus. Nothing to worry about," he said.

"I like them," she said simply, smiling. "They're funny."

He shrugged. "I find them rather annoying. I am rather glad that they have decided to leave me."

She looked up, grinning. "You are going to miss them horribly, you know!"

"I _don't_ know. I don't _think_ so," he answered, narrowing his eyes.

This time mad giggling came from inside – and some noise which she couldn't quite place.

"I must leave. Be careful – and safe, Miss Granger."

She was mildly surprised. "And you, too, sir. You will try to convince Dumbledore to allow me to have some contact with my friends?"

"Never," he said, but as she looked into his eyes, she knew that he was lying.

They gazed at each other for quite a few moments. Snape was the first one to look away.

"Go inside – or I will not even be able to begin my work," he murmured the last part to himself.

"Goodbye – and take care of yourself, please," she said softly as she closed the door.

But he heard her. And somewhere – not so deep down as he would have liked to imagine – he was glad that she had said those words. She forgave him for hurting her. He forgave her for loving Black.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-


	4. Chapter 4

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**Chapter 4**

**SOME FORTUNATE AND UNFORTUNATE DEVELOPMENTS**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**WARNING: Yaoi Implications. Please do not read if it bothers you. Nothing graphic.**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Severus apparated to the Snake-Way after he finished putting up the wards around Grangers' house. Snake-Way was the only pub in the Knockturn Alley which was open to only purebloods. All others admitted all sorts of _creatures_. Severus found them rather degrading.

As he ordered a very early breakfast to go with his Firewhiskey and sat around observing the few other occupants, his eyes settled on an untidy mop of red hair… long fiery-red hair…

He moved over to him.

"Professor Snape?" Bill Weasley's eyes were glazed and he seemed disoriented. But his speech was not even slurred.

"And what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Drowning my sorrows," said Bill, pouring out Firewhiskey with an unsteady hand.

"Drowning your… _stupid_ _boy_! You must leave right now!"

Bill didn't seem to be listening to him.

"Have you ever loved anyone, Snape? Loved someone so _very_ desperately… knowing all along that he loves someone _else_… that he will _never_ love you… _knowing_… _knowing_ _everything_… and felt your heart break with all the damned knowing?"

Snape stiffened. "What are you talking about? You have had enough…"

"Seeing him… _everyday_… _every_ moment he is in front of your eyes… even when you are asleep… it hurts you _so_ badly to love him so desperately… and yet that love is such an addiction… you _cannot_ let go… you are _so_ _doomed_ to not let go…"

Snape was torn between surprise that he was able to talk clearly and fury that he was making a fool of himself, not to mention putting himself in danger.

"Knowing that he loves someone else… Would he hate me if he knew? Love hurts so bad… Ever felt _that_, Snape?"

Deciding that he had to do something about it, Severus wrenched away the bottle from him and throwing a few Sickles on the table, almost dragged him out of the pub.

"I will apparate us both to the Grimmauld Place and then you can explain yourself, you idiot!" he hissed at him.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

However, Bill was obviously not explaining himself to anyone anytime soon. He fell asleep as soon as he was in the house.

Grimmauld Place was relatively empty that night. Only Potter, Black and Lupin were there. Severus was further infuriated as he set his eyes on Black House. His heart twisted painfully as he thought of Miss Granger and how much she wanted to meet that… mangy mutt.

"What's happened to him?" asked Lupin, who had opened the door. Severus was slightly relieved that it wasn't Black. He wasn't sure that he could confront that man without killing him yet. The past seven months had been the worst torture of his life. He hated the very thought of entering this house.

"He was drowning his sorrows in Knockturn Alley," said Severus shortly as he helped him down on the couch.

Lupin frowned but did not say anything.

Severus was thinking that he was rather glad that he would be able to get out without seeing the two other persons whom he hated, when…

"_Snivellus_? What are you doing here?"

"None of your business," snapped Severus, his temper worsening to a dangerous point.

Lupin spoke before Black could.

"Thank-you for bringing him here. Molly was rather worried about him. And she… Harry?"

But Potter looked straight at him. "How's Hermione?"

"I am not her personal servant, Potter."

"Dumbledore said that she had woken up. Why isn't she here?"

"Because Dumbledore thinks," Severus couldn't help but look at Black, "that Miss Granger will be better off living away from such strenuous surroundings. She needs to recover her health, after all."

Black glared at him. "Dumbledore doesn't think that," he said angrily. "You bastard… you…"

Lupin put a hand on his arm and gave him a 'look'.

"And, Potter," said Snape, again glancing at Black, "you are not to send letters to her – unless you want to put her in danger."

He sneered deviously at Black, and then, black robes billowing after him, went out.

_Out of sight is out of mind_.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Severus? Is that you?"

"Nobody else will come to this house of their own accord."

"What are you doing here?"

"Sitting."

"Oh, of course. How foolish of me not to understand _that_."

"Very foolish."

There was a pause. Severus leaned back in his chair. He swirled the tea in the cup. Spilled some of it on his shirt. Cleaned it with his wand. Brought the cup to his mouth to finish whatever was left.

"Are you sure it is not woman trouble?"

And banging the cup on the table, broke the cup.

Lady Snape smirked.

"Never thought that I would see the day! So who is the lucky woman?"

An image of naked Miss Granger kissing Black shot through his mind.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Mimi!"

A small house-elf apparated in front of him.

"Clean up this mess and bring me some more tea."

"Yes, sir."

"I am your mother, Severus. You cannot hide it from me."

"I do not know what you are talking about, woman. And just marrying my father does not make you my mother."

"Step-mother, then. But mother nonetheless."

"You are only two years my senior, woman."

"So what do you want to call me? Your sister?"

Severus gave her a dark look. "I am done with siblings."

"Your father," said Lady Snape, examining her rings, "made me promise that I would not let the name of Snape die out."

"Tell Romulus or Remus to change their sexuality."

Lady Snape scowled at him.

"Romulus and Remus are a disgrace to the name of Snape. They are dead to me – as they should be to you."

"You are well-versed with the art of necromancy."

"Severus!"

"I would like to read now. Please leave."

"I have, as yet, not forced you into doing anything, have I, Severus?"

"No."

"Whilst I do have every right to do so."

"No. I am an adult."

"And I am your mother - with full rights to enter you into an agreement – of arranged marriage."

Severus looked at her with a mixture of hatred, astonishment and fury.

"You will do _no_ such thing!"

"Not if you marry within a year."

"I have no intention of doing so – and all desires in that respect which I ever had have died down."

Lady Snape narrowed her blue eyes. "You have been jilted by a young woman?"

Severus realized that it was futile to deny everything.

"She never knew my feelings. She will never know in future. She loves another man. The thing is over before it began."

"Severus."

"I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I don't want to talk about anything. I never want to talk to you. I do not understand why you always…"

"You are babbling, dear."

He shut his mouth immediately and got up. "I wonder what made me think that I would get some peace in this house!"

Lady Snape magically barred all the doors – and windows.

"They will open only when I command. Meanwhile, Severus, we will have a little chat – mother to son."

"I'd rather be dead, woman!"

"I am well-versed in the arts of necromancy – as you were only too kind to remind me a few minutes ago."

He whipped out his wand and pointed it at her. "Open the door."

Lady Snape flinched slightly, but continued. "Since you are such a great coward that you cannot win the woman you love, you must choose between Anastasia Malfoy and Fiona Vector."

"I am NOT a coward."

"Anastasia is very pretty, charming and a perfect society woman but no brains beyond what she looks best in and how she can charm people. Fiona isn't very pretty but has a good intellect."

It was a miracle that Severus was controlling his temper at this point.

"Anastasia, rather surprisingly, is besotted with you. Fiona has learnt much about you from her sister. You can understand why she isn't too eager to meet you."

"LET ME OUT OF HERE, WOMAN! I HATE YOU! HOW HARD IS IT TO UNDERSTAND THAT? I DO NOT WANT YOU TO INTERFERE IN MY BLOODY LIFE! THE SNAPES ARE BETTER DEAD THAN ALIVE! LET THE LINE DIE OUT! I DO NOT CARE! CAN'T YOU PUT THAT IN YOUR STUPID HEAD?"

Lady Snape was startled. In all her twenty years of his acquaintance, she had never heard Severus Emmanuel Snape yell.

With a flourish of her wand, the spells were removed.

"If that is your final decision…"

"YES!"

"Then you will excuse me if I take drastic measures."

Severus, who had almost reached the door turned around.

"An arranged marriage will mean your murder, woman!" he hissed at her as he banged the door behind him.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

All in all, it was in a pretty rotten mood that Severus went to Hogwarts the next morning.

Devoid of students, the castle had an eerie atmosphere – especially in the morning, when the students would have been bustling about the most. Even after all these years, Severus hadn't really gotten used to it.

There was no one except ghosts to talk to – and Filch. But obviously, they weren't the persons he would willingly talk to – even if they could talk any sense. He only received "yearly report" from Bloody Baron – who would bring in information about the younger students. The older ones, who trusted Snape and whom he could easily read, didn't really require to be spied upon. However, he had told the Baron to keep an eye on them… just in case.

"Severus! You are back early."

"Forgive me, Headmaster," said Snape sarcastically, "but in case you hadn't noticed before, I have no home but Hogwarts."

"Lana is not a bad woman," observed the old man.

Severus merely shrugged.

"I suppose you haven't told Miss Granger about anything?"

"No. It would not be advisable to put her under much stress."

Dumbledore smiled. "It is good of you to care for her."

"I was merely thinking," said Severus, his voice cold, "that I would not like to waste more of my time on that girl than I have to. The better part of my time these seven months has been spent on nursing her back to health."

"Of course, I should never expect you to care for anyone, should I?"

"I care for myself."

Dumbledore regarded him for a moment. Then he said, "Where did you find Mr. Weasley yesterday?"

"He was 'drowning his sorrows' in the Snake-way," said Snape, contempt clear in his voice. "It is a wonder that he was still alive when I got there."

"And why would _you_ go there? Severus, you have to be more careful. Especially now since the Dark Lord knows that you are an active spy for the Order."

"I can take care of myself," said Severus heatedly. "Just tell the thoughtless young people that I got more things to do than… be burdened with them."

The Headmaster was obviously exasperated with the man. "Just remember that tonight will be a meeting in the Grimmauld Place. Mundungus has some information."

Severus snorted derisively and then went on his way to the dungeons. He couldn't understand why the barmy old man trusted the two-Knut worth thief. Granted that the crook sometimes provided them with information, but more often, he proved to be a trouble for the Order.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Severus wasn't able to accomplish anything in the way of Potion-making that day. Hermione Granger occupied his thoughts as he sat languidly in front of the empty hearth, his eyes staring at nothing.

Lana's (he would never call her 'mother' which he thought was rather ridiculous no matter what his father used to say) words plagued his mind. Would she really enter him into an arranged marriage? He didn't quite know what to think. She was an unfathomable woman. For Merlin's sake, she had been able to rope in his father – a man whose disregard for his first wife had driven the woman to suicide. However much he hated her, he knew that Lana was a very powerful and firm strong-willed woman. It won't surprise him much if she went through with her plan.

If she did, he would probably have some annoying, unwanted wife interfering in his life. Someone like… molly Weasley? He shuddered. He had no memory of Anastasia Malfoy but Lana had made her out to be a female version of Gilderoy Lockhart.

But he didn't want that. He wanted Hermione Granger. No matter what it took.

It was bad enough that he was losing someone he thought he had… feelings for. He didn't want to be saddled with the burden of a brainless blonde who cared only for his money. No, he valued his solitude too much to allow that to happen.

He would have to do something about it.

But what?

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Bill Weasley sat as far from Severus Snape as he could in the crowded kitchen. He wasn't talking to anyone, just taking care that he was not near Snape. He had some memory of what he had blurted out in his drunken haze yester-night. His former Potions Master was intelligent enough to deduce… some things about him.

"Bill, dear," said his mother ruefully, "your hair almost nears your waist. It isn't very nice, you know."

"Not now, mum," he said, wishing that Dumbledore and McGonagall would come in soon.

"It is just a simple spell."

"How many years have passed with me telling you that I like my hair long?"

"Molly!"

He was rather grateful when his father called out for her. Honestly, could mothers never understand what was chic?

"Mr. Weasley."

Suppressing his groan, he said civilly, "Good-evening, Professor. And thank-you for bringing me back here last night."

Snape narrowed his eyes. "I had thought you had more sense than to go to Knockturn Alley."

"I was… not thinking clearly."

"That much was obvious. You shall refrain from such stupidity in future. Moreover, a few Death-Eaters there noticed me helping you, which means you will have to be more careful than before."

Bill frowned. He hated being lectured. Before he could stop himself, he said, "You weren't supposed to be there anyway!"

An indecipherable look crossed Snape's face. "Everybody has their own sorrows to drown."

Bill was flustered. They were perilously close to the topic that discomfited him. "Ah, well… about that, sir…"

"I shall not mention what you revealed to anybody?"

"I would be most grateful if you won't," said Bill, looking at someone at the other end of the room. Snape refrained from indulging his inquisitiveness. "If it hadn't been for that, I should not have…"

"I have no interest in gossiping," snapped Snape and moved away as stealthy as he had come. "And the times are too dangerous to let your feelings overpower you, remember that, Mr. Weasley."

_Hypocrite_.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Were his eyes deceiving him? Severus was a master in reading subtle signs. Interested in gossiping, he certainly wasn't. But he did desire to know which man the oldest Weasley son was pining over. His only excuse was human curiosity.

All throughout the meeting, his attention had kept wandering back and forth between Dumbledore and Weasley. The latter had retained it for longer than five minutes when he had been covertly staring at the owner of the house they were presently gathered in.

As Bill continued stealing glances towards him, Severus could not but be certain that he was in love with Sirius Black – of all persons…

"Severus, a word if you please?"

Politely as it was worded, Severus could recognize the gravity of his tone.

"It is about Miss Granger."

"She is fine…"

"The Ministry," said Dumbledore tiredly, "have refused to consider a re-test for her NEWTs."

"It never has happened before, to my knowledge."

"And they are determined to continue the tradition. Miss Granger shall have to repeat her seventh-year."

_Through no fault of hers, _hung unsaid between them. Severus wondered how she would take the news.

"It will be better if we tell it to her now. The sooner, the better."

_Wait a minute! We!_

"I hope you have enough time to get it over with tomorrow, Severus."

"Won't Minerva be better for this job?" he asked, finding the thought to be the harbinger of such horrible news to her intolerable. Won't she just get one more reason to hate him? That was NOT what he needed right now. Maybe Black should tell her that and bear the brunt of her fury.

"Miss Granger will have a better hold on her emotions in front of you."

And without giving him a chance to debate that, the Headmaster departed.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-


End file.
